This Christmas

My heart is so full as I sit on the couch cozied up under a blanket listening to the rain.  I cannot even begin to tell you how lovely this Christmas was for us.

We decorated.

We made cookies.

We dressed Charlotte up in all sorts of Christmas outfits.

We did gifts.

We did family time.

We filled those holes that were so big and hurt so badly last Christmas.  Charlotte did that for us.  If I had not received a single thing under the tree, it would not have mattered.  I would have been completely content with the gift of her life, love, and laugh.

But even still, there was still one hole left behind that wasn't filled by Santa or decorations, cookies or gifts.  I found myself wondering often this holiday season… What if?  

What if she were still here?  What if we had known?  What would we be doing with Callie right now? 

We will never know.  And those unanswered questions hurt sometimes.

On Christmas Day, John and I went to Callie's garden alone with a yellow rose.  As we left it there for her, I thanked Callie for giving us Charlotte Grace. Without Callie, Charlotte would not be here.  And I can't imagine our Christmas Day without her dimpled smile and squeals of delight.

Christmas was wonderful this year.  Merry Christmas to my angel in heaven, my rainbow on earth, my amazing hubby and wonderful family and friends.

xoxo